Smutly's Blog

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A woman was in a coma for several months when, while carrying out her daily sponge-bath, the nursing staff noticed a minor response as they washed her genitalia. At first they put it down to REM but, as they repeated the same motion, they realized it was more than that.

The woman’s husband was summoned and the situation was explained to him by the treating physician.

“We believe that your wife is very close to regaining consciousness,” he explained. “We think that perhaps a little oral sex will be enough to do the trick.”

“That’s fantastic,” said her husband, clearly overcome with the thought. “After all this time I am really looking forward to having my wife back.”

“That’s great. We will hang a sign on the door and leave you alone with your wife and we will see if this produces the results we all want. It is important, however, that you take things slowly and carefully. Just press the nurse call button when your wife opens her eyes because there will be some tests we need to carry out to check for any long-term damage, etc,” explained the doctor.

“No problem. I hope this works.” said her husband, clearly excited.

So they were left alone for a while and the nurses all congregated around the nurses station awaiting the inevitable summoning buzzer.

About 15 minutes later the whole scene changed dramatically as lights started flashing and warning buzzers alerted the staff to a situation in the woman’s room. The doctor and a handful of nurses all converged on the room to find that the woman had, in fact, flat-lined!

As the nurses prepared adrenaline and charged up the paddles the doctor took her husband aside and asked what had happened in the room.

“I honestly don’t know,” said her husband, clearly surprised. “But, if I had to hazard a guess, I’d say she choked!”

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A vampire back arrives back at the roost with his face, mouth and teeth covered in blood! All the other bats get really excited and ask where he got it all from.

“Follow Me!” he says.

Off they flew, over the hills, over the river and into the dark forest.

“See that tree over there?” he asks them all.

“Yes…” they reply.

“Well I fuckin’ didn’t!”

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No matter what you may hear, there really is no way to accurately predict the amount of pain that you’ll experience when getting a tattoo.  If you arrive with determination and the right frame of mind, it may not hurt you as much as you thought.  On the other hand, if you arrive at the studio scared half to death – it will more than likely hurt you more than you thought possible.

Tattoos involve piercing into skin, which almost always involves pain.  No matter how big or how small the tattoo may be or where it is located, you can expect to feel some level of pain.  The overall amount of pain you experience though, all depends on your tolerance.  If you have a high pain tolerance, you may feel next to nothing during the entire process.

When you get a tattoo, the needles will puncture your skin at very fast rates and variable depths.  The outline of the tattoo is easily the most painful, as the needles will be used to create a black line that will stand out on the tattoo.  This part needs to be inserted fairly deeply and carefully to ensure that it’s done correctly.  Your body will begin to produce endorphins during the outline process and you will notice a significant reduction in pain after a few minutes. The shading of the tattoo normally isn’t as painful, although it depends on the penetration depth and effect that you desire.

Normally, the pain you feel is a slight burn or scratching feeling.  If the tattoo is going to be on an area where there is less muscle and tissue such as the wrist, ankle or lower back, the pain will be a bit more intense.  Areas like the arms and legs however, normally aren’t that painful.  Areas such as these have more tissue and muscle, which will lessen the amount of pain you feel because the nerve endings are not as close to the surface of the skin.

Even though some pain is to be expected, there are ways that you can minimize the pain.  Below are some tips that will help you deal with the pain.

1. Never show up to a get a tattoo on drugs or drunk.  This will thin out your blood, causing you to bleed more.
2. Always choose a tattoo artist that you are comfortable around.  If you have confidence in your artist you can minimize the pain a great deal.
3. Show up at the studio with sheer determination.  You should accept the fact that the tattoo will take time.  Quality work is an art – and should never be rushed.
4. If the pain becomes too much to bear, you should let your tattoo artist know immediately.  He/she will allow you to take a break, or stop and come back later.  You can always break up your sessions, as tattoos don’t need to be finished immediately.
5. To ease your mind, listen to music.  This way, you can take your mind to a different place and focus on something other than the tattoo. Tattoo pain, like any other pain, will seem amplified if you focus on it.
6. A new product that goes by the name of Dr. Numb is supposed to help reduce the pain endured when getting a tattoo. This product is widely available in the States but, being from Australia, I have had no personal experience with the product and can not verify its effectiveness.

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Truly Bizarre!

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I found this story on InkArtTattoos.com and just had to add my opinion.

The original story goes like this:-

Three years ago, Kim Mordue lost her son Lloyd to a fatal run in with the party drug GHB. Kim’s husband runs a tattoo parlor, and together they’ve found a way to deal with her grief with ink. Lloyd’s ashes have been mixed with tattoo ink, and used to give Kim a new tat. When asked about the tattoo, she had the following to say:

“As soon as I knew it was possible, I wanted to have the ashes tattoos as a tribute to him. Now, he’ll be with me for the rest of my life.”

The tattoo shows a cabala tree, an angel, and a poem dedicated to Lloyd’s memory. We’re honestly not sure whether this is a touching story, or a slightly morbid one… or maybe both. What do you think?

Well, for what it’s worth, here is my take on it…

While some may find this a little creepy, I can appreciate the sentiment. I however would have used the ink in a slightly different manner. I would have sought out the best ‘portrait’ tattooist in my area ( eg. Kat Von D if I lived in L.A. ) and used the photograph the lady is holding in this picture to have a wicked portrait done somewhere prominent, using the ink with the boys ashes in it.

Not only would it be used for a more relevant tattoo, it would serve the purpose of celebrating the boy in a way that did not require as much explanation as the ‘tree, angel and poem’. People would see the boys face, ask about it and it would be fairly simple to explain the process and sentiment behind the job.

That’s Smutly’s opinion…why not leave your opinion…

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Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it…don’t waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually.  Speeding up heart not make you live longer – it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency.  What does cow eat?   Hay and corn.  And what are these? Vegetables.  So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.  Need grain?  Eat chicken.  Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).  And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:  No, not at all.  Wine made from fruit.  Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way.  Beer also made of grain.  Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain…good!

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“Tattoo Removal”

From Allen Pollick

Tattoo Removal Specialist, C.C.P.

You Are About To Discover 15 Safe, No Nonsense, No B.S. Methods That You Can Use To Remove That Unwanted Tattoo You’ve Regretted For So Long…

And, You Can Start Removing It Today…….GUARANTEED!

Follow “STEP-BY-STEP” Methods and Techniques To Remove Unwanted Tattoos In This

“130 Page Fact-Filled eBook & Tattoo Removal Guide!”

For many years, people who added tattoos to their body had little recourse for getting rid of these works of art. Removal techniques were invasive (requiring surgery) and painful. But there have been a lot of changes in the field of tattoo removal.

And in this book, “Tattoo Removal Methods and Procedures”, Allen explains, in detail, a number of methods and procedures for removing those tattoos that no longer hold the appeal and charm they once did.

The usual questions that people ask when they are considering tattoo removal are…

Inside this book, you’ll find answers to all of these questions and many more. You also learn that each tattoo removal method has its own advantages and disadvantages. Arm yourself with the facts that will help you decide which removal method is right for you.

For example:-

By the time you reach the end of this book, you will have a complete understanding of tattoo removal.
PLUS you’ll have the instructions you need to remove your tattoo at home.

Go to ‘Tattoo Removal’.

10/10 Quality of Information | 10/10 Price and Value

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Three men – a Canadian farmer, Osama Bin Laden and an Aussie are all walking together one day…why? I don’t know…work with me here.

They come across a lantern and, as they wipe the dust from it, a Genie pops out.

“I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes in total and that’s how us Genie’s roll”, says the Genie.

The Canadian says, “I am a farmer and my son will also farm.  I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada.”

POOF! With the blink of the Genie’s eye, the land in Canada was forever fertile for farming.

Osama was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around Afghanistan , Palestine , Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Americans or Canadians can come into our precious land.”

POOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie’s eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The Aussie takes a seat on the ground, cracks a beer, lights a smoke and says, “I am curious, Genie. Please, tell me more about this wall.”

The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 5,000 feet high, 5oo feet thick and completely surrounds the countries.  Nothing can get in or out – it’s virtually impenetrable.”

The Aussie thinks about this for a moment, smiles and says to Osama “That’s good, very clever Osama. Hey Genie, fill it with water.”

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Evidence of the extraordinary longevity of tattoos has finally been discovered, in a mummified Mayan female whose panoramic tattoos have lasted almost two thousand years.

Tattoo artists were ecstatic at the discovery, immediately citing the mummy as proof that once you’re lucky enough to have a tattoo, you can forget about upkeep.

On the other hand, those who have decorated themselves with tattoos but in later years regretted the colorful self-mutilation, were widely distressed by the discovery. As one man with a prominent tattoo on the pierced tip of his nose told us, “I suspect when I’m finally old enough to feel really stupid about this tattoo it’ll still be here. Now, I know if I want to get rid of it, I’ll have to fork over the bucks for plastic surgery.”

Curiously enough, the mummy’s bones revealed what at first appeared to be dichotomous lifestyles. She was apparently motherly, because bone evidence revealed that she had given birth to a child, but a variety of, hardly motherly, clubs were also found buried with her.

An archaeologist explained the seeming duality of tender sentiment and weaponry by stating, “My theory is that she went to the grave, regretting the tattoos and asked to be buried with clubs so she could ward off any evil spirits who might arrive to apply even more tattoos.”

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Much thought should be put into getting a tattoo because it is designed to be a mark for life.  The design should be something that will not be outgrown or outdated.  Regardless of how much thought is actually put into it, sometimes the tattoo ends up not being “ideal” and the question arises – do I have it repaired or do I have it covered up?

Cover ups are done for several reasons.  One of the most common reasons is to give the tattoo a fresh, new look.  Tattoos that have faded over time can be touched up to make them look as if they are brand new.  Newly applied crisp lines can clean up any blurring around the edges.  Additional color can be put on to brighten up the design.

At times, the original tattoo needs to be brightened up due to fading but can be achieved with the addition of more color and design aspects.  A black tattoo can be brightened up by adding more detail, as a background in color.  Many colors can be applied over the old black ink with a nice effect as well.

Tattoo cover ups are often done when the previous design is no longer accurate for the customer.  For example, a woman may have a tattoo applied sporting the name of her boyfriend.  Years later, the relationship no longer exists but the tattoo remains for life.  Cover ups can completely change the look of the tattoo making parts of it, that are no longer desirable, appear to have disappeared.

Tattoo cover ups are also needed when the original tattoo is of poor quality.  Prison tattoos are often presented for cover ups.  Tattoos that were done by amateurs are also commonly covered up.  These old tattoos are often small or done with thin lines that are easily covered.

Even when there isn’t a previous tattoo, a cover up is still needed at times.  These are the cases when scars are to be covered with art.  Millions have tattoos applied to cover scars that they no longer wish to see or feel they aren’t very pleasing to look at.  Unless the scars are large and have caused extensive damage to the skin, typically a cover up can be done.  Even on very large scars, many good tattoo artists can still design something to work with.

When a tattoo cover up is required, it is most important to search for an experienced and talented tattoo artist.  A tattoo artist who can design a great picture for the original tattoo is good.  A tattoo artist who can design a tattoo to cover up an existing tattoo with a new and different design is the kind of talented artist you need for a successful cover up.

Most tattoo artists do not have samples of cover ups they have done on display.  To see these you’ll often have to ask specifically for them.  Pay close attention to the detail of the cover ups and compare the old tattoo to the new.  A large solid tattoo should not be applied over a smaller tattoo as the old one will easily show through.

Although tattoos are permanent, they can be covered up and touched up.  Touch ups have been reported as being a slight bit more painful and often repeat visits are needed to fully complete the design.  The option is there however and, if an excellent artist is found, the end result should be stunning.  As a last resort, you could also consider tattoo removal procedures.